The Legend of Hunter Joe

These original lyrics were created in the process of poking some harmless fun at my stepson. I loosely modeled a character in one of my novels after him as well.

The Legend of Hunter Joe

The legend goes about a rural boy
Who was hunting since the age of three
He really wasn’t of the well schooled type
Not a pillar of society
But when it came to tracking and hunting
Through sand or dirt or snow
The man, he had no equal
They called him Hunter Joe

If it’s big of if it’s small
He has it mounted on the wall
If they tried to hide or run
They still fell to his guns
He had a buffalo hide great coat
And britches made from doe
The man he had no equal
They called him Hunter Joe

It seems they had some fancy lab
Where good folks seldom trod
They were doing some creating there
In violation of the word of God
One of their creations, it got loose
And they knew not where it’d go
Said the locals “You wanna bring it in?”
Better call up Hunter Joe

And Hunter Joe looked at these men, dressed in their suits and ties
You brewed yourselves a pretty good mess on account of all your lies.
God is the only creator; what you’re doing here is a sin
But as sure as my name is Hunter Joe, I’ll bring the bastard in.

He spent his life to seek
Things with fang and claw and beak
There was nothing about huntin’ he didn’t know
He wore a belt of rattlesnake
And a feathered hat from drakes
…but every one just called him Hunter Joe

The creature was twelve feet tall and colored red and green
Like some sort of creature spawned from hell
It left a trail of ruin behind and the deaths of many men
Along with a sulfurous and evil smell
For four long months, Hunter Joe tracked the creature’s path
Until he cornered it inside a glen
His relentlessness earned old Joe the creature’s undying wrath
It wouldn’t be a matter of if they thought; it was only a matter of when
When the creature wrecked Joe’s favorite pickup
And threw him on the grass
Hunter Joe came up locked and loaded
“I’m gonna kick your mutant ass!”

He killed a lion with a spear
And showed no sign of fear
But this had to be his most deadly foe
If he got it in his sights
He would soon shut out its lights
But was this creature more then a match for Hunter Joe

The showdown ‘tween the creature and Joe was the stuff of legendary tales
Shots and screams and hisses sounded out across that vale
They waited for some silence before they ventured forth
Hunter Joe said he was the best; let’s see what that is worth.

There was wreckage and destruction as far as they could see
From bullet blasted ground and arrows through the trees
In a clearing they found the beast, trussed and ready to go
But one thing sure was missing, where in blazes was Hunter Joe?
The vale was searched both high and low after the terrible fight
They searched, they did, to no avail; Hunter Joe wasn’t in sight
It wasn’t until dusk they found something; something anyone would know
It was the tattered and bloodstained hat…of Hunter Joe

That hat looks down in silence as it stares out at the crowds
He sure as hell did what he said; enough to make any proud
Whether or not he died that day; no one really knows
But if you ever need something caught, better call up Hunter Joe

If its big or if it’s small
He has it mounted on the wall
Could it be the mutant beast had laid him low
That had never been done before
But one thing you should know for sure
You haven’t heard the last of Hunter Joe….

Only a fool bets against…Hunter Joe!

Original lyrics by CryHavoc